08/28/2007
No Sex in the City
I read in a visitor's blog that she's having intimacy issues with her husband. It was so brave of her to admit that in public. Most respect to her. Luckily, she has a very understanding spouse who doesn't mind the sexless nights. I totally can relate to her dilemma, except that I don't have a husband to have sex issues with. 
Ngghhhh!!!
Are you starting to wonder what this entry is all about?
Erhm... trust me people, it took me centuries to write this one. It's not just one of my stuff. It's hard to confess something very private online. Really.
For almost two years now... I have not indulged myself with what we call "biological need"... I am happy with the "occasional string" online with the BF... Other than that, I am not complaining...
Seriously... No... Yes...
I am bitching. Oh gawd! I am only human. And this "forced" celibacy issue is driving me nuts sometimes. I wonder how he's handling it. We never discussed the lack of physical intimacy. Honestly, we avoid that issue. Sometimes. Yes. No. I can't remember anymore. See! All those barren years are giving me Alzheimers already... yet I am not griping...
In all honesty, there are times I crave for physical contact... but you know what... everytime I think of that, I get this *PING* on the top of my head that reminds me of MORALITY. I can never cheat on another soul who trusts me a lot. (But comes this frequent worry -- what if he himself is doing it with someone else?)
Forgive me people. I just need to rant on this.
Yes. I am not kvetching. I am okay...
I guess I won't have any issues entering the Order of Chattering Nuns. Ha! I pretty much know how it is to practice the vow of celibacy. Harharharharhar!
On another note, if one of these days, you hear about this neighborhood in South Korea whose pet dogs were axed to teeny weeny pieces by a deranged woman... trust me... it's not Me!
All work and no sex makes Mj a crazy woman. All work and no sex makes Mj a crazy woman. All work and no sex makes Mj a crazy woman. All work and no sex makes Mj a crazy woman. All work and no sex makes Mj a crazy woman. All work and no sex makes Mj a crazy woman. All work and no sex makes Mj a crazy woman. All work and no sex makes Mj a crazy woman.
01:25 Posted in Me Write Nothing | Permalink | Comments (12) | Email this | Tags: life, blog, journal, sexless, intimacy issues
08/04/2007
It's All In the Mind
People say when your heart is broken, you should not wallow in pain or desolation; you should keep your head up, move on, think positive... bla bla bla bla. Why, I myself even wrote something about that here. Haha! I can't practice what I preach? Yeah. I know.
Well, what can I say now? I'm going to be depressed IN STYLE!
Gawd. I am so bitter. Already.
18:30 Posted in Me Write Nothing | Permalink | Comments (9) | Email this | Tags: life, blogging, rant, rambling, bitter
08/03/2007
I'll Have to Live With That...
Has anyone seen this episode in season 6 of CSI, where Capt. Brass accidentally killed a fellow officer during a shoot-out with drug dealers? Brass had to brave the consequences and attended the young officer's funeral. He came face to face with the pregnant widow.
I always cry every time I see this.
23:15 Posted in Me Write Nothing | Permalink | Comments (4) | Email this | Tags: life, blogging, CSI
08/02/2007
Coming Out of the Dark
I don't know anything anymore. What I do know is that I am old... and soon to be a toothless bitter crone, spewing dirty wicked curses on a cauldron of boiling limbs and pieces of an unknown human.
What am I rambling about?
Does anyone dig Gilbert O'Sullivan? I always do.
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03/09/2007
We Are All Genetically Insane
I see people rush to work everyday. I see them dash to grocery stores on paydays to buy necessities for everyday breathing. I see them hurry to school to get education. Then I see them haste to graduate and go through the process of scrambling to work... bla bla bla.
Aren't we all insane to work 8 hours or sometimes 12 hours a day, only to die in a senseless manner even before we reach our retirement days?
Isn't it pathetic that we all spend the hours of our daily lives struggling to make our future better? Isn't that a clear proof of insanity? Isn't that schizophrenia in its finest?
Why do we have to go through that cycle of birth, school, job, marriage, retirement, then death?
Why? It's because that's what NORMAL people do!
Then how about those who suffer from mental defects, those who exist in their own make believe world inside the mental asylum? What do we call them? We call them lunatics! Why again? Because they don't exist the way the normal people do. They don't go to work. They don't worry about savings. They don't worry about credit cards. They don't worry about life insurance. Because they are CRAZY! Bla bla bla.
What's wrong in this picture? Nothing.
Except that I guess, everything's wrong. We all should be existing like the neurotics do. Live in our own fantasy world and never pay a worry how the boss will deal with us tomorrow when he finds out that we screwed up. That should be the LIFE!
You have to admit it... we are all NUTS! Period!
And for you all crazy people out there, enjoy this song.
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02/17/2007
A Teacher's Nightmare
If anyone among the bratty Korean kids I am teaching give me this kind of crap-- I guarantee you people, I am sooo going to book myself personally in the Korean National Correctional. They are soooo going to fly out of the window.
*photos courtesy of a forwarded e-mail
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02/11/2007
Paparazzo Sicko
I am no celebrity but recently I found out that someone is actually stalking us in myspace. I can't understand it. And sad to say, I responded in a way a normal non-celebrity person like me would do: freak out. As a result, I deleted myspace and other online life to hide from the prying eyes of this person who has nothing productive to do with its life; it had to unnecessarily torment ours.
I know, I should have not reacted. So inferior of me. I should have not let myself got affected. I should have not succumbed to this person’s constant henpecking. I should have not dwelt on it, as it only gives this entity the power to unleash it’s evil claws even more.
I simply want to exist normally. I don't need someone tracking what I do for my boyfriend, much more make fun of it. Being far from him is hard enough. I have no need for much drama. I don't want to be the subject of somebody else's constant poking just as to amuse itself. Any self-respecting person would never subject our relationship to perpetual snooking. Who in their right mind would do such a thing? Are the words BACK OFF hard to understand?
The good side of this hoopla is that my man's there all the time, making things alright. He told me to just ignore everything. We should focus more on our relationship and nothing else. Other people may blow their lives off for all they want, they can never shake his love. Isn't that sweetness?
Those friends who are always there to lighten things up-- no words of appreciation can ever describe what I have for you. May God bless each and every one of you. Your friendship and full support for whatever endeavor he and I undertake mean a lot.
17:25 Posted in Me Write Nothing | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this
10/27/2006
The Wonders of Make-up
I now live in a country where cosmetic shops can be found in every nook and corner. Where it is considered a mortal sin to go out of the house without wearing aesthetic aid to camouflage those flaws. Suffice to say how Koreans pay attention to their looks. Oh well, it's just one those endearing traits my host country possesses which actually makes me enjoy being here even more. They can be as vain as they want to. It's everyone's right anyway.
And mind you, every Korean girl wanna look like Jun Ji-Hyun, the face of Laneige Korea. Who doesn't? Look at her! Look at her! She's so gorgeous beyond words. I wanna look like her, too!
Anyhoo, I got these photos from the email which another demented friend sent. I decided I should include these for tonight's mundane rambling.
What a transformation! This is the make-over I should have! Isn't she unbelievably adorable with that new glow?
I have the right to remain silent. Anything I say can and will be used against me in a court of law. I have the right to speak to an attorney, and to have an attorney present during any questioning. If I cannot afford a lawyer, one will be provided for me at government expense.
Please don't hate me people.
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10/19/2006
Gurls' Turn-Ons
I am so bored. I was supposed to finish this term paper about Population Explosion, but here I am, amusing myself with this another bleh survey.
Here find out what TURNS ON A GIRL in my own point of view. Ha ha ha.
| GIRLS' TURN-ONS | |
| IS TALLER THAN YOU: | definitely! ugh! |
| WEARS A GRILL: | wtf? who'd want to date someone wearing a grill? duh! |
| DRESSES GANGSTA: | depends on the gangsta ensemble. accckkk!!! |
| DRESSES GOTHIC: | only once in a while is fine with me. |
| DRESSES EMO: | huh??? like those Happy Bunny shirt? NO! |
| CUTS THEMSELVES: | yikes! who'd want a loser like that? |
| HAS GREEN EYES: | okay |
| HAS BROWN EYES: | okay |
| HAS HAZEL EYES: | fuckit! as long as he has eyes! grrr!!! |
| DRINKS ALCOHOL: | in moderation, yes it's fine. |
| WEARS GLASSES: | to see me better? oh sure. |
| SMOKES CIGARETTES: | as long as he doesn't smoke every 5 minutes. hello! |
| SMOKES WEED: | if he shares, why not. he he he! |
| PLAYS SPORTS: | oh, as long as he knows the sports i dig. he he. |
| SMILES ALOT: | not too often. would make me think i am dating a clown??? |
| CALLS U JUST TO SAY HI: | oh that's so sweet. yes i like that one:) |
| GOOD DANCER: | doesn't matter. i can always teach. |
| HAS PIERCINGS: | hmmmm... depends? |
| WEARS JEWELRY: | i am not really sure. |
| SMILES WHEN YOU WALK IN THE ROOM: | of course, he has to! |
| HAS CURLY HAIR: | no. makes me think am grabbing my own pubic hair. ugh! |
| HAS STRAIGHT HAIR: | that's alright i guess. |
| HAS BROWN HAIR: | hair color doesn't matter, as long as it's not curly! |
| HAS BLACK HAIR: | ditto |
| HAS RED HAIR: | ditto |
| LOYAL: | definitely! |
| LAID BACK: | uh-uh... |
| PLAYS GUITAR: | not necessarily. |
| PLAYS DRUMS: | i don't really need to date someone who's into musical instruments. |
| PLAYS PIANO: | as i said... helloooooo!!! the questions are getting stupid-ier by the minute! |
| HE CAN DRAW: | oh yes! he has to draw my portrait, like it or not! |
| EASILY JEALOUSED: | nah. that's my job! |
| HAS A TATTO: | doesn't matter. but the spelling is wrong! what's wrong with the one who made up this survey? |
| HAS A TOUGE RING: | it's spelled T-O-N-G-U-E! |
| GOES TO CHURCH: | he has to. i can always drag him with me anyway. |
| HUGS FROM BEHIND: | oh yes. i love that. |
| KISSES YOUR NECK: | ohhhh yeahhhh!!! now we are talking!!! |
| HAS PATIENCE: | yes! yes! please! |
| A GOOD KISSER: | oooooooooooo... i like this one. |
| WRITES POETRY: | i really dig guys who can write. |
| PRAISES YOUR OUTFIT: | he has to. or else, all hell will break loose. |
| FAITHFUL: | whether he likes it or not. |
| ONE WOMAN MAN: | a must! |
| NOT AFRAID TO EXPRESS HIMSELF: | i really have issues with the silent type. |
| TELLS YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO HEAR: | not necessarily everything. i don't want to hear how flat my boobs are! |
| Take this survey | Find more surveys Bzoink - The Original Survey Site | |
00:35 Posted in Me Write Nothing | Permalink | Comments (4) | Email this
10/18/2006
I Pity The Fool
No, this is not about that (in)famous tv show of Mr. T. This is about someone who seems to be lost these days. I am not here to chastise this person as I have no right whatsoever to meddle with his/her life much as I want to. Seems to me though that this being really needs someone to talk to as obviously, he/she does not know what is going on around him/her.
I wish I have the courage to tell the truth. Sadly, I can only watch from afar.
Oh jeez, there I go again. Dang! I sprayed Febreeze in my armpit again instead of Rexona. Ugh! How stupid can I get? It happened this morning and why did I allow it to happen again tonite? Why can't I just go to sleep and let the world dwell in darkness?
Good nite people. Dream!
02:45 Posted in Me Write Nothing | Permalink | Comments (2) | Email this
10/03/2006
I Feel
The stress.
I have to prepare 85 students' report cards. No joke. While my two co-teachers will prepare only for their homeroom classes, I have to prepare for everyone, including that of the Math classes. Magnified irritation. Ugh. The boss told me I have to hand in those cards right after the holidays, which means a week from now. Before I could prepare the reports though, I have to check first 85 sets of test papers. Is it gay to just burn those papers and pretend that they never existed in the first place? I mean how cool would that be. Tell the boss that the test papers were accidentally burnt. I am not complaining God. I swear. I am just ranting a lil bit here.
The burden.
I have to pay now more than the budget I have allotted for a housing. Not that I am complaining, but the rent will make me work as twice as I did before. Oh well, the price I have to pay for living alone. Harharhar. Not funny.
Okay, it is really not funny because something terrible happened two nights ago, nine days after I left that apartment. Not that I think a robber (who prefers to steal ONLY "g-string knickers") getting through the toilet window as something hilarious, rather the irony that a few weeks before I moved out, I told my former room mate when she came home later after a night of partying that around 3 in the morning, someone tried to break the grills of the toilet window. She simply dismissed what I narrated as some kind of a silly product of my imagination; that I was being a cow. She reminded me that nobody can get through the toilet window because of the so-called protective iron grills. I knew whoever that pervert will be back. Boy, was I so glad to be out of that apartment? Now that's funny.
The desolation.
There's no way I could make it home. I was somehow hoping that a miracle will fall upon my head but as I gaze upon the horizon, I don't think any will be coming. As I wrote before, all of our relatives will be there to witness my sister getting married, except me. Why do I get the feeling I will never get over this one? It was aggravated when my future bro-in-law reminded me that my only sister will be getting married and I should be there. Like I don't know that. Ugh. Is there any cure for guilt?
The excitement.
In less than a month and a half, someone whose heart belongs to me will be here again, albeit for just another week. For that alone, I feel a twisted twinge of giddiness. Grinning magnified to the universe. I will start my countdown very very soon. Ha! If only I could lose this excess waistline in a few weeks time, all well be better.
The boredom.
So here folks, I bring you one of Robbie William's most beloved song. (Too bad blogspirit won't let me post the video here. I wonder why. Hmmm...) I hope Robbie changes his mind (I understand he cancelled his Asian tour due to fatigue?) and consider performing here in Seoul in the nearest future.
I just wanna feel
Real love and the love ever after
There's a hole in my soul
You can see it in my face
It's a real big place
Come and hold my hand
I wanna contact the living
Not sure I understand
This role I've been given
Not sure I understand
~ "Feel"
01:20 Posted in Me Write Nothing | Permalink | Comments (5) | Email this
09/07/2006
Proof that Morons Exist
Moron: ur always online but u never talk to me
Me: busy
Moron: busy with what?
Me: lots of things, talking to the bf, doing my part time jobs
Moron: why ur stat like that?
Me: what stat?
Moron: the details of your stupidity bore me. shut up!
Me: oh, that was inspired by the devil wears prada
Moron: the devil wears prada?
Moron: what's prada? mind telling me?
Moron: hello, what's prada?
Me: yes the movie? and oh, you're so sad, you don't know prada. even the garbage collector back home knows what a prada is. helloooooo!!!
Moron: what movie? what prada?
Me: am busy, can i get back to you later?
Moron: you always say that
Me: what can i do?
Moron: are you jealous that am sometimes online and i dont talk to you?
Me: hahahahhahahahahah!!!
Moron: what's so funny?
Me: you!
Moron: why?
Me: can you just die now?
Moron: i cant die now not a possibility. im very healthy
Me: oh please, am so out of here!!!
Moron: here? where?
Need I say more? I just wasted an entire entry! Arrrghhhhh!!!
00:45 Posted in Me Write Nothing | Permalink | Comments (4) | Email this
08/13/2006
I Don't Want to be Lonely
I read somewhere that when a loved one passed away, the soul of the one left behind should go through a healthy grieving period, a mindless feat of tears and grief that should be poured out freely. Only after then that the soul would be able to move on to another phase.
Or something like that. I can't remember exactly.
What I do remember now is that when my daughter passed away, I went through a denial period. I never did have a chance to grieve. I went back to work a week after she passed away and buried myself under tons of contracts and various omnibus agreements. I never gave myself a chance to pause and ponder on her death.
Now I realized that this is probably the reason why I can't move on. I can't really let go of her memory. I don't know if this is right or wrong. I want her to be there all the time. The thought of her smiles and coos. I want it here in my mind, for as long as I live. Am not sure if this is proper. I don't want this to go on.
The great Morrison once said: Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free."
Easier said than done. I chose not to be free?
Then today, my aunt was interred in her final resting place. I know how hard it is for her children to cope with the fact that they have lost their mother. A mother whom they never really had a chance to be with most of their lives. I am not sure how they are going to accept this sad truth. I am not in the position to tell them anything comforting, for I have realized something -
I, myself, am still grieving to this day.
I don't mind when you say that you're going away
I just don't wanna be lonely,
And I don't care if you share only moments a day,
I just don't wanna be lonely...
- The Main Ingredient "Just Don't Want to be Lonely"
22:55 Posted in Me Write Nothing | Permalink | Comments (2) | Email this
07/28/2006
Look At Me! Look At Me!
You're so vain, you probably think this blog is about you.
You're probably right! Yes, this is about YOU! Ha!
Aren't you, after all, seeking MORE AND MORE ATTENTION?
HERE YOU GO!
I am not so in the mood of writing anything in the past few days. The mere mention of exams, test papers and report cards to prepare is enough to drive me insane. However, this topic about the attention craving syndrome is something that I have been meaning to scribble for a while.
So, how does one define "ATTENTION SEEKER"? I dunno! Ha! I could be guilty myself! Hihihihihi!!! For the longest time now, I have been trying my very best to keep my cool and level with these types of people I HAVE TO DEAL WITH every single bloody minute of my life.
I googled some studies and analysis on Munchausen Syndrome (you know that faked sickness, merely created to attract attention.) I was surprised that the very people that I abhor are actually classified as below. Okay, as I wrote above, I am not saying that I am totally free from any attention seeking malady at all. I am guilty as charged, but am prettys sure, NOT ALL THE TIME! Dammit!
Here read what I found then look at that FRIEND of yours and see if he/she belongs to any category below:
The need for attention
Human beings are social creatures and need social interaction, feedback, and validation of their worth. The emotionally mature person doesn't need to go hunting for these; they gain it naturally from their daily life, especially from their work and from stable relationships. Daniel Goleman calls emotional maturity emotional intelligence, or EQ; he believes, and I agree, that EQ is a much better indicator of a person's character and value than intelligence quotient, or IQ.
Attention seeking methods
Attention-seeking is particularly noticeable with females so I've used the pronoun "she". Males also exhibit attention-seeking behaviour.
Attention seekers commonly exploit the suffering of others to gain attention for themselves. Or they may exploit their own suffering, or alleged suffering. In extreme forms, such as in Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy, the attention-seeker will deliberately cause suffering to others as a means of gaining attention.
- The sufferer: this might include feigning or exaggerating illness, playing on an injury, or perhaps causing or inviting injury, in extreme cases going as far as losing a limb. Severe cases may meet the diagnostic criteria for Munchausen Syndrome (also know as Factitious Disorder). It's very difficult not to feel sorry for someone who relates a plausible tale of suffering in a sob story or "poor me" drama.
- The saviour: in attention-seeking personality disorders like Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy (MSBP, also known as Factitious Disorder By Proxy) the person, usually female, creates opportunities to be centre of attention by intentionally causing harm to others and then being their saviour, by saving their life, and by being such a caring, compassionate person. Few people realise the injury was deliberate.
- The rescuer: particularly common in family situations, she's the one who will dash in and "rescue" people whenever the moment is opportune - to herself, that is. She then gains gratification from basking in the glory of her humanitarian actions. She will prey on any person suffering misfortune, infirmity, illness, injury, or anyone who has a vulnerability. The act of rescue and thus the opportunities for gaining attention can be enhanced if others are excluded from the act of rescue; this helps create a dependency relationship between the rescuer and rescued which can be exploited for further acts of rescue (and attention) later. When not in rescue mode, the rescuer may be resentful, perhaps even contemptuous, of the person she is rescuing.
- The organiser: she may present herself as the one in charge, the one organising everything, the one who is reliable and dependable, the one people can always turn to. However, the objective is not to help people (this is only a means to an end) but to always be the centre of attention.
- The manipulator: she may exploit family relationships, manipulating others with guilt and distorting perceptions; although she may not harm people physically, she causes everyone to suffer emotional injury. Vulnerable family members are favourite targets. A common attention-seeking ploy is to claim she is being persecuted, victimised, excluded, isolated or ignored by another family member or group, perhaps insisting she is the target of a campaign of exclusion or harassment.
- The mind-poisoner: adept at poisoning peoples' minds by manipulating their perceptions of others, especially against the current target.
- The drama queen: every incident or opportunity, no matter how insignificant, is exploited, exaggerated and if necessary distorted to become an event of dramatic proportions. Everything is elevated to crisis proportions. Histrionics may be present where the person feels she is not the centre of attention but should be. Inappropriate flirtatious behaviour may also be present.
- The busy bee: this individual is the busiest person in the world if her constant retelling of her life is to be believed. Everyday events which are regarded as normal by normal people take on epic proportions as everyone is invited to simultaneously admire and commiserate with this oh-so-busy person who never has a moment to herself, never has time to sit down, etc. She's never too busy, though, to tell you how busy she is.
- The feigner: when called to account and outwitted, the person instinctively uses the denial - counterattack - feigning victimhood strategy to manipulate everyone present, especially bystanders and those in authority. The most effective method of feigning victimhood is to burst into tears, for most people's instinct is to feel sorry for them, to put their arm round them or offer them a tissue. There's little more plausible than real tears, although as actresses know, it's possible to turn these on at will. Feigners are adept at using crocodile tears. From years of practice, attention-seekers often give an Oscar-winning performance in this respect.
- The false confessor: this person confesses to crimes they haven't committed in order to gain attention from the police and the media. In some cases people have confessed to being serial killers, even though they cannot provide any substantive evidence of their crimes. Often they will confess to crimes which have just been reported in the media. Some individuals are know to the police as serial confessors. The false confessor is different from a person who make a false confession and admits to a crime of which they are accused because of emotional pressure and inappropriate interrogation tactics.
- The abused: a person claims they are the victim of abuse, sexual abuse, rape etc as a way of gaining attention for themselves. Crimes like abuse and rape are difficult to prove at the best of times and their incidence is so common that it is easy to make a plausible claim as a way of gaining attention.
- The online victim: this person uses Internet chat rooms and forums to allege that they've been the victim of rape, violence, harassment, abuse etc. The alleged crime is never reported to the authorities, for obvious reasons. The facelessness and anonymity of the Internet suits this type of attention seeker. [More]
- The victim: she may intentionally create acts of harassment against herself, eg send herself hate mail or damage her own possessions in an attempt to incriminate a fellow employee, a family member, neighbour, etc. Scheming, cunning, devious, deceptive and manipulative, she will identify her "harasser" and produce circumstantial evidence in support of her claim. She will revel in the attention she gains and use her glib charm to plausibly dismiss any suggestion that she herself may be responsible. However, a background check may reveal that this is not the first time she has had this happen to her.
Attention seeking and narcissism
Like most personality disorders, narcissism occurs to different degrees in different people and reveals itself in many ways. Many business leaders exhibit narcissism, although when present in excess, the short-term benefits are outweighed by long-term unsustainability which can, and often does, lead to disaster.
Ohmigosh. Did I just hear someone scream GUILTY?
14:55 Posted in Me Write Nothing | Permalink | Comments (6) | Email this
05/13/2006
Baked Chicken in Beer Saturday
I decided to put my culinary expertise to the test today. I am hungry and there's nothing decent to feed my stomach in the fridge. I thawed the chicken wings and put some bbq sauce on it. I asked the BF how long should I bake it and he volunteered that I should add beer to tenderize the chicken. I was agog of course, but I guess there's no harm trying his suggestion. After a couple of hours, my chicken is done. It tastes... hmmm... fantastic actually. Really. It actually tastes good although it needs more salt. Albeit the effort was not louded by the BF (because obviously he's not here to test the finish product, which is a good thing anyway), I still think that I am on the right track. I should take up lessons in baking. There, that would be my area of expertise in the kitchen and leave all the whipping of main dish to the hands of the future husband.
So much for the cooking.
A friend wrote and asked when he's going to read the article about Why Girls Flirt, which I promised him like some eons ago. Now, when did I make that promise? I guess it irritates him that I haven't been good on promises, and as always I procrastinate. He said he needed to know why his girl would flirt with someone else, bla bla, and that he needs to find solution to his dilemma soon. My best advice? Google search. Hehe. That would save us both time.
Heh.
The friend refused to acknowledge the fact that I do have a life aside from this blogsite. I mean, hello, don't I go to work everyday and come home really late at night and spend the rest of my waking hours talking online to my BF? I do have time to rant in my blog only when I feel like doing so. But hey, look at this dude, demanding me to research and write something about his girl's classic demeanor as though he's paying me to do it.
You know what he said when I told him that I will write about it when I find the time? "I will not visit your blogsite anymore." Like I care. As far as I am concerned, there are at least an average of 85 people reading my blog everyday (not that I am blogging, I mean, bragging, but it is there in my blog stat. Believe you me!). Counting my regular blogging friends, former officemates, cousins, classmates and the boyfriend (wait, he doesn't read my blog regularly, as he gets confused sometimes where I write an entry because of the too many a blogsite I am maintaining) so there must be at least around 50 anonymous people who drop by everyday. And to all these people, I promise to write something more cohesive on a regular basis.
Really. I am going to write because I want to write. And not just because of you, you dork! Hah! You don't know who you got for an enemy now. Peace brodah!
Heh again.
On another note, I forgot that I was supposed to interview the owner of Manila Bay, a newly opened restaurant here in the village where I live, for K Scene Magazine. But I was stuck talking to the boyfriend, lost track of time and forgot the appointment I made yesterday with the owner of the restaurant. When I finally remembered about it, it's almost 4:30 pm. Too late. I went out to buy cigarettes and I saw the owner. I hollered and told him that I am quite busy and I will see him tomorrow after church. Ajossi waved thumbs up in the air, and that I assume means okay with him. Fine, I will interview you anytime I want. He he.
Arrrrrgh. On secound thought, I have to interview Ajossi ASAP. I need extra dough. I need to write this nice review about his restaurant and hopefully, I will get a 50% discount everytime I eat there. Also, I must tell Ajossi that Filipino Foods doesn't sound right, before anyone else notices. I am not sure if he will take offense on that.
But I have to concentrate first about this new shop which I am ghost writing for another friend, who writes in this glossy magazine. I wonder how much she gests paid for it, because honestly, I am not sure she's paying me right. Oh heck, I don't have a right to complain, do I? If only it's easy to invent the feeling of being in the opening of that shop, life would be a lot cheesier.
The things I do for money.
I will finish off my marinated chicken in beer and gather my senses back later on. Chicken anyone?
17:45 Posted in Me Write Nothing | Permalink | Comments (2) | Email this
02/16/2005
Here Comes the Rain Again
It's been raining here in Seoul for two days now. It's terrifyingly cold. Last night, I went home almost soaked to my bones. I deliberately did not bring an umbrella. I wanted to die of hypothermia. But I remembered I don't want to look bloated in my coffin. I always say I want to die beautiful. Like, if friends will come to my burial to pay their last respect, they would quip: "Gosh, she's still gorgeous even in death." Ha! Ha!
I don't want to sound morbid or something. Must be the headache. Must be my painful ear that has been troubling me for weeks now. Must be the lack of sleep or food.
I don't know. For the past few days, I find it hard to get a decent sleep. I would toss and turn on my bed until 4 o'clock in the morning, and yet sleep seemed to have forsaken me.
Last night...when I got bored to my ears, I reread The Bourne Legacy. Err. I have read it twice, actually. And last night, I tried to read it again, hoping that by the third time I read it, Jason Bourne will sprang forth from the book to comfort me.
Last night...as the rain poured down, a thought crossed my mind. I think heaven is crying with me. I am not sure. I will never know.
This morning, I went to my Korean class with a splitting headache, a piercing pain in my ears and a gurgling stomach.
Our lesson was about expressions using "wish". I was preoccupied with my daydreaming but at the corner of my more conscious mind, I saw my teacher asking each of my classmates something. Then I was pulled back to reality when she started snapping her fingers in front of me. She had to repeat the question.
The question was: what would you would do or buy if you have 10 dollars? Or something to that effect. I didn't understand the question really. I replied with the very first thing that got into my head. I told my teacher that I would buy a prepaid card so that I can call my son in Manila for an hour. (I miss talking to my son. I haven't spoken to him for two weeks now. I don't have phone anymore and it's just so depressing not to hear his voice in times of despondency. I will definitely be cured of any melancholia once I hear my son blabbering nonsense stuff about cartoons and computer games.)
My teacher gave me a disoriented look. Everyone in the classroom laughed. Obviously, I did not understand the entire question. Instead of 10 dollars, my teacher wanted to know what would I do with 10 million dollars. Then again, I answered with the first things that came into my stinging head. I told everyone that I would buy a ticket to Manila and Germany.
The teacher didn't probe for more. She spared me. She knew that I wasn't feeling well. And then suddenly, I just burst to tears. I asked to be excused and stayed in the ladies' room for an eternity. When I went back to the classroom, a classmate thoughtfully bought me tea. My lovely teacher just stood there transfixed, too numb or maybe too puzzled for my sudden emotional outburst. She told me that I can go home early. I insisted to stay.
After the class, a classmate asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital. I wanted to plead, "take me to an asylum instead". That didn't seem to be wise to say anyhow. So I chose to keep my mouth shut and just shook my head.
On my way back to the dorm, I told myself, "this is just one of those days". One of those days, that when I was young, I wanted to go out and eat some worms. I used to blackmail my mom with that. "I will go to the backyard and eat some worms, and I am going to get really sick, and I am going to die, and you will be sorry forever."
I never ate any worms, by the way. Ugghhh!!!
Perhaps if there is a backyard in my dorm now, I will probably try to really eat some worms. Maybe...But who am I going to threaten?
20:55 Posted in Me Write Nothing | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this
02/11/2005
The One
This is The One. The One that am going to marry. Hook, line and sinker, he is The One for me.
Ayayay! Please excuse my delusions. I know! I really need to see a doctor. I need professional help. But hey, you are still reading up to this point. That means you condone my hallucinations and lunacy. Bear with me here. Thank you!
Alrighty! Enough with my personality disorder. Let's talk about The One.
Who is The One? How do we find The One? How can we tell if the guy/girl we are seeing is The One?
Who is The One. Usually when ladies are so in love with their boyfriends, or guys, with their girlfriends, they would enthused:
I am going to marry this person! He/She is The One!
But how would we know, if the person we are ohhh sooooo in love with is The One?
I asked some of my friends. The married and engaged ones. Even the dating/looking ones.
One friend told me that when she saw her guy opened up the car's door and held it up for her, she knew right there and then that he is the one. (But geez! A lot of guys I went out with held up the taxi/car/restaurant doors for me but how come I never felt anything of that sort? Bloody me!)
Another friend told me that when she can't bear to be away with her man, she knew then that she has to marry him. And that means, he is the one. (I wanted to make another violent reaction to this one, but I would rather shut up for now.)
A guy friend told me that if and when he meets a girl that would make him drool, then that's a clear indication that she is the one.
Another dude told me that if he meets someone whose ground she's walking on he can wantonly kiss, then she is the one! (Hoohoo! I bet my ass, he will never do that!)
I could go on and on about my friends' tongue and cheek revelations on how they found their Neo. But the 64 million dollar question, "How do we find The One?", is still hanging on the air.
As we go along with the quest for our rightful throne under the sun, the same goes with finding the right one. How can we tell if the one we are seeing now, sleeping with, sharing our lives with is the Neo of our life? I absolutely find all the answers given to me, enigmatic. The answers simply made me, more clueless, I must admit.
However, as I was gathering information for this article tonite, I have found out some blessed truths. The One is not someone that we have to look for. He/She is there, right infront of us, and only our gut feelings will tell us that he/she is The One. And most importantly, The One is not the person we can live with, but the person we can not live without.
Now, Keanu! Pray tell! Are you gay or not?
23:55 Posted in Me Write Nothing | Permalink | Comments (2) | Email this