The Wandering Deity's World

My boss told me to take some pictures of the first graders for the school's website. I asked the kids to sit still and pose nicely.

As soon as I said, "Cheese", they decided to do their thing-y.

Boy in Blue: Here's your crown, Chuckie!

Girl in Black: I'll poke your eyes, you, you pretentious Princess!

Girl in Yellow: I can't pull her hair. It's braided.

Boy in Green: The toy looks nice on your head, Princess.

Girl in Green: Oh please people. I'm too pretty for you all.

GIB: I'll pull your remaining teeth with teacher's pen!

BIB: Me so scared!

GIY: Gosh! I'm so hot!

GIG: This is boring...

BIG: I should be in the center! I'm the Princess!

GIB: Die biatch!

GIP: Trust me sister, I eat pens for lunch!

BIB: I'm outta here! You people are freaks!

GIY: No close up please!

BIG: Come on, let's have a make-over.

GIG: I so totally don't need it.

 Guess, the teacher's a bad influence huh?  

This morning. I rushed to meet a potential morning part-time employer and dashed through this turnstile. Midway however, the automatic gate suddenly closed. Disgusted, I kicked the dang thing and pushed my way out.

And tonight, I was tickled to death to see this subway mechanic tries to figure out what went wrong. Dare I say a thing? Do you expect me to kneel and bow and ask for apologies? Hello!?

I silently took some pictures, casually made my way out then inconspicuously ran home before anyone could arrest me.

On another interesting note, my blogs in Yahoo 360 mysteriously disappeared. I don't know if it's one of those Yahoo's monthly cramps or something, but I seriously believe I deserve a notice before my entire Yahoo life is deleted. Gawd!

Came to school earlier than usual. Got lots of things to do which I neglected during the vacation. No one’s in yet except the boss and this little boy...

He was probably bored because there’s no one to play around with, so he decided to scare me off as I was coming out of the washroom. I nearly slipped and screamed at the top of my lungs, much to his amusement.

When his homeroom teacher arrived, I told what the little monster did. He was asked to apologize. He didn’t say sorry, instead he shyly muttered, "I love you MJ".

My boss finally decided to  hire a new foreign teacher. Thank goodness. Not complaining here but handling all 150 students in a week, for 6 hours everyday, is probably like having sex with an NFL team on a weekly basis. (I dunno why I made that analogy. I just thought of that.) I am terribly exhausted at the end of each class and often wonder if I'd be able to work again the following day.

And since I can now consider myself a senior teacher, I have the option of choosing which class to handle for the homeroom.

Should I choose the parrot like students?

Me: Class, repeat after me.

Class: Class, repeat after me.

Me: Read from the top.

Class: Read from the top.

Or the smart assess who never fail to give me a migraine.

Me: (Reading from the book) And Herman Cortes, the conquistador, after coming back from Mexico, presented the King of Spain with the cacao seeds from the Mayans and that started the popularity of chocolate in Europe.

Smart Ass 1: Why Cortes give King only chocolate?

Me: Maybe because the King likes chocolates?

Smart Ass 2: Kings don't like chocolates.

Me: How did you know that? Do you know any king who hates chocolate?

Smart Ass 2: No teacher. Do you?

Me: (Silently prayed, God grant  me the serenity...)

Smart Ass 3: Why Cortes not give King gold?

Smart Ass 4: Yes, teacher. Why no necklace?

Smart Ass 5: I'm Cortes, I give King gold watch.

Me: (On the verge of hysteria) Perhaps Cortes also brought with him some gold and jewelries. But we are talking about the origin of chocolate here that's why the other gifts are not mentioned.

Smart Ass 6: Maybe Cortes is poor.

 Me: Whatever! Can you guys just please google the answers to your other questions? That's your homework! (Continued her prayers)

I forgot, the smart-asses' parents personally requested ME to handle the Elite Class, as they don't trust the new teacher (whom they haven't even met yet).

Guess I have not much choice huh?

Yesterday, I noticed the students fall into deathly mutterings whenever I write something on the whiteboard. The Elite class (they are smart-asses for a reason, believe me) are not usually like that : me turning around means the chance to check the celphones; another turn on the Rubik's cube; finish the homework, etcetera.

However, today for no apparent reason at all, they were very animated with their convos. I caught glimpses of the murmurings.

She is not... She is!... Can you see it?... Can't!... Can you?... Gross!... Why don't you ask her?... I don't want to... You do it... Shhh, she's done writing...

*Silence*

Me: Okay, so what is going on here?

Sara: Teacher, Diane has a question.

(Because Diane is the youngest, she's always obliged to speak for the whole group, especially if it's one of them really important issues, that has to be discussed with Teacher.)

Me: Yes, Diane?

Diane: Teacher... teacher... you not angry?

Me: Why? What have you done this time?

Diane: Nothing!

Me: So what is the problem?

Diane: Teacher, you wearing white pants.

Me: Of course! It's summer!

Diane: But teacher you no panties!

At this point, I noticed everyone suppressing everything: from laughing to giggling to burfing to farting. Each was hanging on to what I was gonna say next.

Me: What? What did you say Diane?

Diane: You no panty?

Me: Of course I am wearing one but you can't see it because it's a thong!

Diane: What's a thong?

Me: You know, this is so absurd. Do you have any better questions Diane?

Diane: Teacher you sure you wear panty?

Me: (Already plotting a glamorous way of getting rid of this arrogant elf) Of course, I am! You want to see them?

Class: (Shrieking at the same time) Nooooooooooooo!!! Please, please teacher nooooo!!! She's so gross! Teacher's bad! Bad teacher!

Me: That's it! Diane, you stay after the class! I'm going to call your mom!

Diane: (Giving me her sweetest devil-ish grin) Teacher, you like chocolate? I give you Hersheys!

Of course, teacher was pacified and ate all Diane's Hersheys. Class was dismissed with them still wondering what a thong is. Poor little kids. I'm going to bring my green one to show them this Monday. Yay!

Mother, the greatest movie critic, who ever walked on the face of this planet, told me that I  should not miss the Tranformers for anything in the world. Then, I read in a myspace friend's blog that she saw the movie and thought it's pretty really cool.

With that in mind, imagine my excitement when M, a former classmate in the Korean class, decided to watch the movie with me. She's no movie addict like yours truly but she said that Transformers was big in China when she was a young girl, and to see a real movie based on her favorite cartoon would be "interesting".

We rushed to the moviehouse to make it to the 5:30 screening. However, when we were about to buy tickets, we found out that the two cinemas playing the said movie have them in Korean. How sad is that? We forgot that it's Sunday-- family day and kiddie oriented movies (supposedly) like Transformers are translated in Korean, with no English subtitles. Yay!

Having no other options, we decided to see The Descent, which I have already seen on DVD, a year ago. Don't ask me why it took Koreans two years to show that movie here. I don't know either.

Classmate queried whether it's a really scary movie, as she hates seeing gory-terrifying ones with a passion. I told her that it's a suspense-thriller, not some kind of a horror-ghostly-type-of-movie. Of course, I lied. I just wanted to see how she would react in some creepy parts.

I paid dearly for lying.

To make the story short...

After the movie was over, I got bruises and scratches on my right arm. I didn't know that M, that sweet-spoken-well-poised-girl, turns into a Crouching Tigress, Hidden Dragoness, when petrified.

With eardrums almost shattered, right after we got out of the cinema, she screamed in my face for not telling her the truth... I just giggled.

She pinched me all the way to the shopping mall... as if the scratches weren't enough. She even told me that she thought she's going to have a heart attack when a nocturnal creature suddenly appeared behind one of the women.

I told her she over-reacted. She decided to pinch me again and cursed in Chinese, which amused me even more. I cussed her back in Spanish.

So much about sweet Chinese girls married to Korean men. They are myths. They don't exist really. Trust me on that one.

I gave up on Transformers. I am going to wait for the pirated DVD copy, which should be available in the Yongsan sidewalks, as I type this blog.

I am going to watch Harry Potter next weekend... Alone!

One of my favorite students in the Elite class (my homeroom class) -- A -- a charming young woman, quit today.

Apparently, last Friday, the boss asked for her June school fee and she told the boss that it was already given to the  Korean Teacher 1 (KT1) last end of May or first week of June. I can't remember exactly when. I got so lost with their rapid Hangeul. 

KT1 told the boss that A never gave her any payment. Boss decided to call A's mom to follow up payment. A's mom spoke to KT1 and they had a heated argument over the phone. A was adamant with her claim that she gave the payment to KT1, and the latter insisted that she didn’t get any payment at all.

I was told all about the issue only this afternoon when A said her goodbye. It broke my heart to know that she has to stop going to our school. She’s one of my sweetest students, if not the brightest.

I spoke to KT2 and innocently commented that perhaps KT1 was too busy to remember that A gave her the fee last month. KT2 summoned KT1 and repeated my statement. KT1 got furious. Because of the language barrier, my intention was misinterpreted. KT1 thought I was accusing her of stealing A’s school fee, which was rather ridiculous because it was not what I was trying to say.

In trying to help fix my student's predicament, I told KT 1 and 2 that I am willing to pay for A’s June tuition fee. The boss may deduct it from my salary this month. However, KT1 insisted that it was a not a good idea because it will only invoke jealousy among the students, and not to mention, an outrage among the parents if ever they find out.

I teach in a small village, and the folks know each other well, hence the competition of sending their children to any special classes after the regular school. It’s like what you call keeping up with the Joneses, which is a malady among Korean parents, much to the disgust of their children. Can't blame the parents. They only want the best for their children. Actually, more like whatever makes them prouder.

KT1 also pointed out that the parents of A may not like it. Pride, you know.

Sigh.

Anyway, I told KT1 that A could not have possibly kept the school fee to herself to buy things, because it was what they insinuated. It is a known fact that in the Elite class, she’s the only one who doesn’t have the latest cellular phone model or MP4 or electronic dictionary; she wears the same clothes for days. I noted that I never saw her possess any new fancy stuff for the past few weeks, if indeed she decided not to turn in the money.

I know my students so well. Whenever they have something new, be it a Rubik's cube or a new notebook, they make sure to show it off, in my face.

KT1 and KT2 advised me to stay away from the problem and just continue doing what I am paid to do.

I feel so bad for A but I know that she’s going to have a bright future ahead of her. I pray that this incident won’t cause her any trauma at all, but let it serve as an inspiration to struggle to make her life better.

===============================================

*hagwon is the Korean term for special schools.

Last Sunday, to seek temporarily freedom from the confines of my nagging catatonia, I decided to join the potluck picnic that friends, Joan and Tita Kit, organized. I wasn’t really in the mood to do anything special that particular day because I had a little altercation with the BF, but I realized that it won't do me any good to just stay in my room and sulk.

We decided to have the picnic by the Han River Park.

Han River Park, on a lazy summer afternoon, is a welcome relief from the daily beatings of life. One can just relax, read some books, listen to MP3 or feast on homemade picnic goodies while inhaling the cozy Seoul air.

If you dig in-line skating, the park is the perfect place to show-off those glides. There are also bikes and duck boats for rent to enjoy the afternoon. A ferry boat cruises the river for something like 8 bucks. I am not sure. I have yet to try it.

The river, apart from being the biggest in South Korea, is also well known as the favorite suicide spot of those who are desperate to see the underworld. For the past few years, the river is said to have claimed lives of some well known Korean corporate executives, disgruntled lovers, homeless and jobless strugglers, and the likes.  

I don't know why I am telling you that guys. I just think you should know, just in case, you know, you come here in Korea feeling really low and all -- there's a place you can go and be included in the annals of suicides in this country.

The food and company amused me a lot and made me forget momentarily whatever predicament I was having then. However, as I was beginning to savor the cool summer breeze, some people started to take pictures of me. And who am I to say no to paparazzi? If celebrities hate them, I don’t, so I posed away!

Dear Diary,

Today, I am so happy. Today I  have a girlfriend. Her name is ****. She is beautiful. Her legs are very beautiful. Her lips are very soft. She says I love you and I say to her I love you too. She says we meet in girls toilet on lunchtime. I met her in girls toilet at 12 o'clock noon. She gave me a letter. She says I kiss her so I kiss her. Today I am so very happy. Today is the most important day of my life. 

That is the unedited version of T's diary, one of the smart-asses from my Elite Class, a future playboy, if I may say. He used to write about his favorite childish stuff. Come to think of it, all his entries prior to this one, were about computer, soccer and baseball games. And he would write it in a puzzle like manner, it sometimes takes me hours to edit his work. However, today, he was exceptionally careful with his composition. He even begged me to give him more time to finish his work.

As soon as I finished reading his memoir, I summoned him to press for the juicy details. Oh you know me, the nosey teacher from  hell. I am just a sucker for details! Bring it on baby! Spill out the details! Come on! Come on!

Our conversation went like this.  

Me: (Trying to be serious) Explain to me what is this all about.

T: (Whispering) Teacher please don't tell them. This is a secret. Nobody knows.

Me: (Whispering) Okay, but you are too young to have a girlfriend.

T: (Whispering) Teacher, I'm twelve.

Me: No, that is your Korean age. You're actually only eleven. That means you're still a baby.

T: (Furious) Nooooooooooo!!! I am not a baby anymore. I am twelve!

Me: (Whispering) Okay fine. Can I tell your sister?

T: (Very furious now) No teacher! You do that I push you out of the window!!!

Me: (Whispering) Okay. Fine. I won't. Calm down. Did you really kiss her?

T: (Smiling up to his ears) Yes!!!

Me: (Whispering) You can't kiss her. You're still a baby.

T: (Exasperated) Teacher, may I sit down now?

*End of conversation*

Hmp!

I'll let you know when T writes about his first date.