The Wandering Deity's World

I seldom write about politics. Heck, I can not remember the last time I wasted time dissecting current events. However, there's something that caught my eyes recently which bugged me dramatically to the point of blogging it.

Saddam Hussein is finally sentenced to hang last Sunday, 5 November 2006... USA President Bush called the verdict "a milestone in the Iraqi people's efforts to replace the rule of a tyrant with the rule of law..."

Did you notice it? There's something wrong with this news. Yes. There is something definitely wrong here. Does it mean that the war in Iraq will now end? Will the death of Saddam guarantee global improvement of third world economy? I don't really see the point in rejoicing. If there's one person who's truly happy with the verdict, it's probably that guy in Uncle Sam's throne. Who are we kidding here? He's the one who incited all these hullabaloo of war. He must be grinning up to his ass now. Tsk. Tsk. I don't really understand how that country flaunts of world power and yet it lets a joker to rule the entire nation. Ha ha! Why, that's a little fucked up. Estoy bromeando solamente mis amigos Americanos.

And there's this Kim Jong-Il who in his dire attempt to be noticed by the whole world "tested" a nuclear device. Like, hello. This big kid, who obviously, is suffering from ADHD, has nothing else to do in his hands that he tries to scare the hell out of those around him, just because he needs ATTENTION. This bully needs to be grounded! Pronto! Will someone sentence this dude to hang also? Or better yet, someone should spank this screwball with a 2x2 lined with 10 inch nails. Yes! That's better I think.

I never liked politics. This is no fun at all.

The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had,
I find it hard to tell you,
I find it hard to take,
When people run in circles it's a very very,
Mad world,
Mad world,
Enlarging your world,
Mad world... 

~ Tears for Fears

The tagline was delivered by Angelina Jolie during a fight scene with Brad Pitt in the movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith, which was a great date movie, by the way. I enjoyed watching it alone. Angelina is just soooo ravishing that I had to tell a friend, I would willingly trade my soul to have a night with her. She spells H-O-T!!! I won't mind having Brad, too. Yeah, in my dreams!

The waggish line reminded me of the gays in Itaewon who hassle delicious looking dudes with that hook-up pitch. Oh well, I myself, am tempted several times to ask "Who's your daddy?" to a lot of yummy guys, but I was afraid to be mistaken as a gay, hence, I usually choose to drool in silence.

On a related matter, this week, I got the chance to talk to two (2) guys online who admitted that they love shopping. It's a wonder to meet men who actually like to shop. The only "guy" I know who could shop around Namdaemun and Dongdaemun the entire day without falter was that friend who had gone back to Canada. Alright man, I am not telling the whole world your secret okay? They will never find out which color of gown you prefer wearing during our "dress-up dinner". Your skeleton in the closet is safe with me. Promise!!!

The online friends were quick to tell me that they are NOT gay! Okay people! I hear ya. I told them that I don't mind having gays for friends. Back home, I got so many gay friends that most of the time, I also question my sexual preference.

Gays are the best companions in the world and I enjoy being around with homos. They are so fun to be with. Never a dull moment with these people. And best, they are harmless!!! Sometimes though I feel sorry for these gay friends, especially the ones I met here in Korea. They are in the military and they are so fucked up inside that they had to put up this kind of mask infront of everyone else, especially their officers. Pathetic. I feel honored that they trust me with their "little affairs."

I don't know but I got this "nose" for gays. Actually, within 3 kilometers radius, I could tell if a guy has an avocado green plasma or not. In the subways, I feel bad for Korean men who are so trying hard to be "manlike". It's a torture to see them cross and un-cross their legs, deciding whether to sit like Queen Elizabeth or just squat like your ordinary Ajossi. There were several times that I felt like snapping my fingers infront of them and yell: "Hey sistah! Come on! Come out! Come out!" I can't do that though. What if they suddenly strangle me out of embarassment? Yay!

So tell me friend, who's your daah-deeh?

Tired of teaching? Have a week to spare? Why not take a much-deserved vacation? Come and see the Philippines, the Pearl of the Orient.

Philippines, a tropical country, located in the south east of Asia, has only two seasons: summer (January to May), with April and May as the hottest months, and rainy (June to December). It's comprised of 7,100 islands where most of the beaches are prominent and utterly fabulous.

Philippines offers a wide array of resorts. For just a $1,000.00 budget (airfare, local transportation, food and shopping included), you can get a gorgeous tan, a relaxing massage by the seashore, a therapeutic scuba diving, seafood binge and shopping galore.

One of Philippines' pride is Boracay. For a mere $450.00++ roundtrip airfare (including domestic flights) you're off to that world-famous beach resort, known for its powder-like white sand and crystal clear water where you can relax all day long.

There are various resorts to stay in Boracay, where you can select a room to stay for a very reasonable price. A cottage costs around $30.00 to $70.00. You can have a sumptuous meal for $5.00 to $30.00. Local beer costs around $0.30. Other imported beverages ranges from $5.00 to $15.00 per bottle, depending of course, on the brand. Unless you’re planning to swig on Dom Perignon, wines, champagne, whisky and brandy are a bit pricey but reasonable indeed.

Aside from Boracay, there are also a bevy of resorts in other islands to choose from.

In Anilao, Batangas, you can do scuba diving, visit a cathedral of coral reefs and experience the exalting rejuvenation of your senses with sea creatures. Highly recommended is Eagle Point Beach Resort. (http://www.eaglepoint.com.ph). The place is heaven on earth for underwater connoisseurs.

If you're up to a longer travel, then by all means, you should visit Cebu, the Queen of the South, Philippines' cradle of Christianity. Cebu likewise takes pride of its beaches: beautiful, satisfying to the senses, yet easy on the pocket.

If you have more than a 1,000 bucks to spare, Palawan, is another must-see. El Nido and Amanpulo were favorites of some famous celebrities like the late JFK Jr., Robert de Niro, Michelle Pffeifer, Tom Cruise, among others. Although quite costly, Palawan is a rare treasure that you should experience.

There’s also the Puerto Galera in Mindoro, another island in the Visayas, preferred by most foreigners. Quiet and reserved, the beaches equally marvelous, Puerto Galera will be worth your hard-earned money.

To find out more about the various resorts, packages and tours, please click on the following links.

http://www.tourism.gov.ph/index.asp
http://www.philtravelcenter.com
http://www.balikbayantrip. com

Aside from the beautiful resorts, the cost of living in the Philippines is relatively low compared to other Asian countries, thus, making it a favorite for those who are in "budget" and yet wanting to enjoy the best nature can offer.

(An hour massage by the seashore is just $4.00 to $5.00. Taxi fare starts at $0.50. Fine dining would cost you from $5.00 to $30.00. Clothes, shoes and bags are usually priced from $2.00 to $10.00 a piece. Branded products are tagged somewhere from $10.00 to $50.00. How’s that for shopping?)

What are you waiting for? Book that trip now!

Nothing amuses me more than hearing war stories about teachers and their students. I, for one thing, got my own battle tales, that is definitely worth looking back every now and then.

Teaching in the twilight zone of hagwons is something to write about. I know I should have done this a long time ago. It was perhaps the inspiration or something else that prevented me from doing so.

Learning English is the "in" thing in ROK these days. There's no higher demand for anything in Korea aside from learning ESL, thus, hagwons sprout everywhere, and ergo, a need for teachers here and there.

Teaching English to bratty, err, eager Korean students is not an easy task. It is actually a gargantuan effort that has to be executed in such patience that would make even Job cry in envy.

Meet the English docents of Korea, categorized according to their age, to wit:

The Adults

Adult Koreans are the most trying hard. No offense here, but I salute the gallant effort of the Ajumas and Ajossis in Gangnam who are trying to learn English. Hats off to the Mr. Kims and Mr. Lee's of the big corporations who are more than willing to learn English for a good cause.

Mainly, adult Koreans wanted to learn English because of the following reasons: i) their job calls for dealing with foreign clients on a daily basis; ii) speaking English is an edge for promotion; iii) they have gone abroad, found it hard to co-exist with natives of the country they visited, hence the reason for giving learning English a shot before venturing into another country in the future ; iv) they want to pursue a higher degree after college, a masters or PhD perhaps abroad (specifically USA) and speaking English is doubtlessly a must to enter a certain university, and not to mention, a ticket to pass the excruciating interview at the embassy; and v) they are simply bored with their money, can't find anything worthy of spending it with and since learning English is the fad, might as well join the bandwagon.

Whatever their reason for learning English, Adult Koreans, are adults. Simply put, they are way past the ductile period of their lives. Literally, their tongues are kinda hard to adjust. They pronounce "English" as "ing-le-shi", "language" as "lang-we-shi", "ruler" as "lu-ler", "Brad Pitt" - "bra-du-pi-tu". Arrrrgggghhhhhhhhhh...

Furthermore, they construct their English in the same manner that Korean language is put together. "I market food buy" instead of "I buy food in the market". This is because Korean sentence is "Subject+Object+Verb. Now, imagine teaching a 50 something Korean. Isn't it sort of formidable to instill the principles of the parts of the speech to an adult Korean?

(Jesus! You gotta be patient man! Patience is a virtue! Tell yourself that again and again and again. You just simply work your ass off really hard teaching these adult Koreans. Anyhow, they pay good money to speak English.)

The University Students

The university students are another bunch of well motivated students. After graduation, they are delirious to find a tutor who can teach them how to speak English in two months time. Enough time for them to prepare for a job interview. Or so they think.

The university students are your usual smart alecks. Simply because they had just gone out of school, they are going to show you that they learn good stuff from school. And hell, they surely can raise hell and havoc proving their point for anything they find doubtful in your lessons. You can't blame they anyway. They are way busy partying their asses out during school and they simply have to find a real nice job soon to get married and settle down and start their own business eventually.

Whew! Such Herculean task lying on your hands. It's up to you to teach them how to make presentations and pass interviews with flying colors in two months time. If there's anyone here who had accomplished the feat, please let me know.


The Middle/Highschool Students

The middle school and high school students are the least interested according to my unsolicited point of view. My opinion is purely based on observation and experience. In fairness, some of them are very keen in learning English. The rest claimed to have been forced by their parents to learn English. Well, forced or not, they go to hagwons almost everyday to study English to please their parents.

They are the most difficult kind to deal with, because, as I have said, some of them are not really motivated to learn ESL. Add the fact that they are in their adolescent period, hence, the complications of attitude.

On the contrary, the parents of these teeners are the most motivated, if I may say. They work double time to see to it that their kids go to refutable hagwons, gets a private tutor and engages a phone teacher to make sure that their offspring learns English fast, really fast.

Never wonder when one day, you get a visit from one of your student's mom, demanding an explanation why her child doesn't speak a single English. It beats the hell out of you, but you have to deal with Omma nicely. You don't want to upset this precious client of your hagwon. Her child has been attending the hagwon for almost a year now.

I still vividly remember the civil conversation I had with one of my students' mother not so long ago. I tried to talk her out in broken Korean. And this is basically what transpired:

Me: How many hours does she study English in hagwon?
Omma: Everyday, one hour. You teach her!

(Of course, I teach her. Was just wondering if she's attending another hagwon aside from our school. Is there something wrong with my question?)

Me: Does she watch English TV programs at home?
Omma: No. Every night, melodrama.
Me: Oh I see. Does she read English newspaper at home?
Omma: No. Just Korean paper.
Me: Do you practice speaking English to her at home?
Omma: No. I don't speak English.
Me: Is there anyone in the house who talks to her in English? What about her classmates? Do they talk in English?
Omma: I don't know. Not classmate. Only Korean all the time.

At this point, I remembered silently praying "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference..."

I tried to explain to Omma that her child needs to practice speaking English more. Even explained further that going to hagwon everyday is not enough. Her daughter has to converse regularly in English. Bla...bla...bla...

I guess Omma was convinced. She never bothered me since then. Her daughter? She still comes to class, stays awake most of the time (she must be watching too much melodrama I guess), texts her friends now and then and torments me most of the time.

The Elementary/Kindergarten Students

Now, this is the most interesting bunch of kids to teach. They always make my day!

I can't say that elementary and kindergarten students are not motivated. They are simply learning English because they are told to do so by their parents.

Elementary students are the best students. Their brains are like sponges, absorbing everything. Follows everything you say (including "okay, everybody, let's start from number one..."). They ask a lot of questions, which goes to show that they are really fired up in learning ESL.

The kindergarten students, those who belong to ages 4-7, are the most challenging species on earth to teach. They learn fast too. They learn so fast that sometimes, they will tell you what to teach them. But most often than not, they are rather "rowdy" in a lovable manner. Plus, they cry whenever they want to. And they are the world's biggest bluffers.

When I say that kindies are the world's biggest bluffers, I meant they sure know how to threaten adults and boy, they do!

Just the other day, a 7-year old tot threatened me to turn off the heater. I asked him not to as it was chilly that day. He insisted that he would turn off the heater. I didn't know what his purpose is. So I tried reverse psychology. I told him that if he turns off the heater, everyone would be cold and everyone would get sick including him. And if he gets sick, he might die. Upon hearing this, he went back to his seat, didn't utter a single word during the entire duration of the class.

I did not bother taking back my words. That will serve him right. I know that from that day on, he will never try to turn off a heater for the rest of his life.

Gosh, I hope I won't get sued for this.

You think that's the end of my predicament as a kindergarten teacher? Nopeeeee.

Last week, during the "White Day" (March 4, a special day supposedly equivalent to Valentine's day. On this day everyone has to give someone something sweet), some of my students gave me candies and chocolates and lollipops. The rest cornered me in the pantry, demanding me to explain why I did not bother handing out candies. They even mentioned that teacher "A" is a lot sweeter compared to me. Teacher "A" always remembers the sweet occasions such as Peppero Day, and so on and so forth...

I cringed in fear. There were 7 of them and they were really really upset. I can actually hear the theme from "Psycho" playing in the background while they were slowly advancing towards me. I was seeing mini versions of the fallen angel. But before I broke down, I explained that I was meaning to give them candies, but teacher was busy and she forgot to go to supermarket. They retorted that bakeries are everywhere and teacher can buy goodies there. Of course! Stupid me. I forgot about the bakeshops.

To end the bullying, I promised them that I will buy a pack of candies the next day.

The following day, I forgot again. The bunch of little Mafiosos ganged up on me in the pantry once more. I had to give them 10,000 won so that they, themselves can buy anything they want. I don't know what candies they bought with that money. I was simply too relieved to ask.

Seriously, teaching English in Korea is a very rewarding job. No matter how the teaching experiences can be dreadful at times, nothing can ever replace the overwhelming satisfaction an ESL teacher feels when she hears her student tells his/her weekend escapade in straight English.

A kindergarten student asking you something in English in such endearing endeavor will surely make your heart melt.

Likewise, nothing can ever replace the complacency a teacher feels when finally Mr. Kim was able to write a memorandum in English with very minor errors.

Teaching is not a lost art, but the regard for it is a lost tradition. ~ Jacques Barzun

Some months ago, I was given an assignment to write about Korean women. Unfortunately, due to some unavoidable circumstances, I was not able to finish this article on time. I never got the chance to wrap-up this stuff.

This is actually a ten (10) page article. Four (4) months of endless and nonsense dates for this article, all went down the drain because I messed up big time.

Anyhow, here it goes.

To write this article, I interviewed foreigners who were married, dated, are dating, and will be dating Korean/Asian girls. What I write below are these men's real life experiences and revelations. The rest, are my keen observations. If at some point, what I wrote here would offend some people, I am readily offering my apologies now. This is just a product of my research.

They come in different sizes- small, medium and large. In Korea, it is usually small, which means, petite, svelte, slim and skinny (this is the "in thing in Korea).

These women are usually beautiful, pretty, gorgeous and achingly vain, with flawless skin and perfect smile.

They are sweet yet assertive. Loving yet cautious. Submissive yet independent. They simply enthralled me.

Westerners, Europeans and other men from different parts of the world fall for these exquisite creatures.

In fact, Bob, an American computer engineer disclosed that having four or more Korean girlfriends is one of the best things that ever happened to him here in Korea. He is actually contemplating on marrying a Korean girl.

And who would not? Nicholas Cage, Wesley Snipes and a bunch of other famous celebrities married Koreans! I suspect that Brad Pitt will be married to an Asian too, one of these days. That is, as soon, as he meets me. (All right! All right! I am dreaming! I know!)

Seriously, who would not want to marry a Korean lady? Raised under a culture where women are taught to be submissive to their husbands, they usually treat their spouses like kings. If needed, these women would go to the ends of the earth, to satiate their men.

It is a far cry, according to Kevin (English teacher married to a Korean), from western girls who usually have a chip on their shoulders, so to speak. Kevin has been married before, to a white girl, but he considers his marriage to a Korean girl- something he will never exchange for anything in this world.

Having a relationship with a Korean girl, like any other Asians gals, can have its own setbacks, too. According to my respondents, Korean ladies demand a lot of attention. They can sometimes whine and complain if not given the proper care they need. They can be emotional, too. They expect their men to treasure them like jewels. Not surprisingly though, these are but common traits of women. Women will love you with all their heart and soul provided you give them the love, care and attention that they too deserve the most.

Koreans, like any other Asian ladies, once treated right will likewise adore their men like gods. Am telling you, no other women can treat men the way most loving Koreans girls do.

A word of caution: according to my respondents, these exquisite creatures, once driven to the limit of their patience or abused in some ways, can really turn out to be total biatches. Soooooo mean and nasty that you would gladly go back to your mother's womb to escape their wrath. They can be stalkers, devious in some ways or obsessed weirdos who would merrily claw your face with their long nails if they catch you cheating on them. Or if given the right state of insanity, would happily chop off their men's manhood and shove it to their mouths.

(The latter was just a product of my morbid imagination. But come to think of it, there was actually an Asian, a Chinese, who did this. Oh yes! But she did not feed her husband with it. It was re-attached and is fully functional now, according to the news. I have not heard of a Korean though. And I bet no Korean woman would ever do it. )

Seriously, Korean ladies are similar to the rest of the female species in the world. They make themselves beautiful for their men. They stay loyal, dedicated and devoted to their husbands, boyfriends or lovers, no matter what. And all these things they do in the name of love. In return, these ladies want love.

You need not paint the skies like Van Gogh, scribble some poetic love verses like Shakespeare, deflate Mount Sorak to prove how much you care for her...

Simply put, just treat her right.