The Wandering Deity's World

I read in a visitor's blog that she's having intimacy issues with her husband. It was so brave of her to admit that in public. Most respect to her. Luckily, she has a very understanding spouse who doesn't mind the sexless nights. I totally can relate to her dilemma, except that I don't have a husband to have sex issues with. Ngghhhh!!!

Are you starting to wonder what this entry is all about?  

Erhm... trust me people, it took me centuries to write this one. It's not just one of my stuff. It's hard to confess something very private online. Really.

For almost two years now... I  have not indulged myself with what we call "biological need"... I am happy with the "occasional string" online with the BF... Other than that, I am not complaining...

Seriously... No... Yes...

I am bitching. Oh gawd! I am only human. And this "forced" celibacy issue is driving me nuts sometimes. I wonder how he's handling it. We never discussed the lack of physical intimacy. Honestly, we avoid that issue. Sometimes. Yes. No. I can't remember anymore. See! All those barren years are giving me Alzheimers already... yet I am not griping...

In all honesty, there are times I crave for physical contact... but you know what... everytime I think of that, I get this *PING* on the top of my head that reminds me of MORALITY. I can never cheat on another soul who trusts me a lot. (But comes this frequent worry -- what if he himself is doing it with someone else?)

Forgive me people. I  just need to rant on this.

Yes. I am not kvetching. I am okay...

I guess I won't have any issues entering the Order of Chattering Nuns. Ha! I pretty much know how it is to practice the vow of celibacy. Harharharharhar!

On another note, if one of these days, you hear about this neighborhood in South Korea whose pet dogs were axed to teeny weeny pieces by a deranged woman... trust me... it's not Me!

All work and no sex makes Mj a crazy woman. All work and no sex makes Mj a crazy woman. All work and no sex makes Mj a crazy woman. All work and no sex makes Mj a crazy woman. All work and no sex makes Mj a crazy woman. All work and no sex makes Mj a crazy woman. All work and no sex makes Mj a crazy woman. All work and no sex makes Mj a crazy woman. 

Have you ever experienced getting annoyed to your ass, you want to spend the rest of your breathing hours plotting little evil ways of getting even? Well, scheme no more, for here are some of the great things you can do to totally ruin someone else's day.

I am planning to do them... one at a time... Hahahaha.

1. Any time a member of the opposite sex tries to talk to you, hold your hand up to prevent them from saying anything and say, "Look, I know what you're going to ask me... For the last time, no, I will NOT go out with you."

2. Ask people to prove everything they say. (e.g. "I'm Bob, nice to meet you..." "PROVE IT!")

3. Before exiting the elevator, push all the buttons.

4. Call the operator. When asked, "Can I help you?" reply, "No thanks, just browsing."

5. Close your eyes and start snoring whenever anyone tries to talk to you.

6. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

7. Every time someone asks you to do something or says something to you ask "Is that a threat?"

8. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.

9. Go up to a someone and say, "Are you annoyed by irrelevant questions?" And then walk away very quickly.

10. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance

11. Leave lipstick prints on people's cheeks and foreheads.

12. Lie to your therapist.

13. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

14. On the public bus, keep asking the driver nervously, "are we there yet?"

15. Phone McDonald's and try to make a reservation for that evening.

16. Repeat everything someone says as a question.

17. Send people annoying chain forwards with outrageous consequences like "If you don't send this to 300 people in 4 seconds you will die instantly" and then insist that it is true and it happened to your uncle.

18. Stand on a busy corner. Gasp, look and point up. See how many people look.

19. Throw newspapers back at paperboys.

20. When at an ATM, try to have a conversation with it, or pretend it stole your card. (This works best if there's a line.)

21. When in a conversation, look out the window, then say "Wait, start over. I wasn't paying attention."

22. When standing near a "high-class person," ask them, "Excuse me, but do I have a booger hanging on my nose? I thought I picked it off."

If and when you were done doing these stuff and you're still alive, consider yourself lucky. Trust me, no one would dare annoy you ever...

Goodluck!

*source - getannoyed.com

Yesterday, I noticed the students fall into deathly mutterings whenever I write something on the whiteboard. The Elite class (they are smart-asses for a reason, believe me) are not usually like that : me turning around means the chance to check the celphones; another turn on the Rubik's cube; finish the homework, etcetera.

However, today for no apparent reason at all, they were very animated with their convos. I caught glimpses of the murmurings.

She is not... She is!... Can you see it?... Can't!... Can you?... Gross!... Why don't you ask her?... I don't want to... You do it... Shhh, she's done writing...

*Silence*

Me: Okay, so what is going on here?

Sara: Teacher, Diane has a question.

(Because Diane is the youngest, she's always obliged to speak for the whole group, especially if it's one of them really important issues, that has to be discussed with Teacher.)

Me: Yes, Diane?

Diane: Teacher... teacher... you not angry?

Me: Why? What have you done this time?

Diane: Nothing!

Me: So what is the problem?

Diane: Teacher, you wearing white pants.

Me: Of course! It's summer!

Diane: But teacher you no panties!

At this point, I noticed everyone suppressing everything: from laughing to giggling to burfing to farting. Each was hanging on to what I was gonna say next.

Me: What? What did you say Diane?

Diane: You no panty?

Me: Of course I am wearing one but you can't see it because it's a thong!

Diane: What's a thong?

Me: You know, this is so absurd. Do you have any better questions Diane?

Diane: Teacher you sure you wear panty?

Me: (Already plotting a glamorous way of getting rid of this arrogant elf) Of course, I am! You want to see them?

Class: (Shrieking at the same time) Nooooooooooooo!!! Please, please teacher nooooo!!! She's so gross! Teacher's bad! Bad teacher!

Me: That's it! Diane, you stay after the class! I'm going to call your mom!

Diane: (Giving me her sweetest devil-ish grin) Teacher, you like chocolate? I give you Hersheys!

Of course, teacher was pacified and ate all Diane's Hersheys. Class was dismissed with them still wondering what a thong is. Poor little kids. I'm going to bring my green one to show them this Monday. Yay!

I don't know about you guys but  I sure am tired of my dramatic tirades. 

Ergo, for a change here's something that I saw in Albatross's blog, a buddy in myspace. Very educational indeed this video, so tomorrow I am going to share it with my students who hum this song constantly, because a popular TV ad carries the tune. Poor students never moved from the first line to the next because they don't know the lyrics. 

I am pretty sure they're gonna worship me for this.

Ten years had passed since I had the chance of craddling her in my arms, singing "I Just Don't Wanna be Lonely" out of tune. She never complained. I always remember her hushing from her little tantrums then giving me a sweet be-dimpled smile, short of saying, You rock Mom, whenever I started humming our chosen lullaby.

Rue and I miss you so much Angel. We love you for always. Someday, we will all be together. Mom will sing, you will dance, while big bro Rue will play his guitar. And we will make the crowd who gather to watch us, drop some bills in the can.

Happy birthday beloved daughter. I know you're up there, partying with your fellow angels.

Have fun baby.

People say when your heart is broken, you should not wallow in pain or desolation; you should keep your head up, move on, think positive... bla bla bla bla. Why, I myself even wrote something about that here. Haha! I can't practice what I preach? Yeah. I know.

Gawd. I am so bitter. Already.

Has anyone seen this episode in season 6 of CSI, where Capt. Brass accidentally killed a fellow officer during a shoot-out with drug dealers? Brass had to brave the consequences and attended the young officer's funeral. He came face to face with the pregnant widow.

I always cry every time I see this.

I don't know anything anymore. What I do know is that I am old... and soon to be a toothless bitter crone, spewing dirty wicked curses on a cauldron of boiling limbs and pieces of an unknown human.

What am I rambling about?  

Does anyone dig Gilbert O'Sullivan? I always do.