The Wandering Deity's World

Youtube.com is so making me lazy to post real entries. 

Anyways, I posted this really cool video in myspace but for the sake of those who are not subscribed, here you go...

Everybody now get your dancing shoes and start grooving!

A-five-six-seven-eight!

Shake your booty! Shake your booty! Aha!

I need to polish my dancing shoes. 

I got these from Esquire.com. They asked some female celebrities to dish out what they think the top ten "Things You Don't Know About Women".

I post here some of my favorites and arranged them according to personal preference. Enjoy. 

1. Sometimes we think we really understand men. Then we regain consciousness.

2. We think it's okay if you get fat and go bald. Please do us the same courtesy.

3. You know that thing about men being hunters? We don't buy that as an excuse to screw around.

4. You may consider a root canal less painful, but this much is true, no matter the woman: We sincerely want to talk about how you feel.

5. Size over stamina.

6. Kissing is something that you need to stay engaged in, even if all the blood is rushing out of your head and into other parts of your body.

7. We like younger men for the same reasons you like younger women: stamina and skin.

8. There are two spots on women that need to be touched more: the back of the neck and the lower back. Fireworks.

9. Women remember everything . Don't believe me? Ask your girlfriend where you met. She won't tell you it was at a party. She'll say it was a Thursday, she had just come from dinner, where she ate a veggie burger, and she was wearing her friend Cathy's pink top, which was big on her because Cathy is a big girl. You were wearing a blue button-down, drinking a Jack and Coke with two straws, and talking to Bill, that mutual friend. She waved and you gave her the "what's up" nod. This still infuriates her. ("How could you give me the nod?")

10. We'll gladly agree to stop complaining about our "time of the month" if men will kindly take over the little chores of childbearing, morning sickness, and postpartum emotional swings. Deal?

11. We know what you're doing when you put your hand in your pocket.

12. An eyelash curler, while mean and ferocious looking, is not a weapon.

13. No matter how much your woman loves you, there are going to be three to seven days each month when she wants you dead. (She may even quietly fantasize about turning her eyelash curler against you.) You have two options: Tie yourself to a tree and wait out the storm, or stock up at Tiffany's, toss a blue box or two into the wind, and hope for the best. We recommend the latter. (The key chain doesn't count.)

14. Remember in old movies when women used to swoon and "take to the bed" for days at a time? That never happens. We're stronger than that. That being said, if we ever decide to "take to the bed" for days at a time, there's not a thing you can do about it.

15. We know high heels are sexy, but we'll take our comfy black Uggs any day of the week.

16. When we start getting undressed in front of you with the lights on, it means we've lost interest.

17. We do like to have sex, just not at midnight when we have to get up at the crack of dawn to feed two kids, three dogs, and a pair of fat goldfish.

18. Women really do want to be on time. It's just that everything starts so darned early.

19. Crying and saying you're sorry for calling us Halle Berry during sex still doesn't make it okay.

20. We can't have sex without expecting a call from you the next day.

21. We never notice the Brad Pitt look-alike sitting alone at table 2 wearing the black shirt and sporting the rugged two-day stubble. He didn't even cross our minds.

22. Pull your pants down. You're not 85, you're not an accountant, and we don't need to see the shape of your balls.

23. If it's been five years since you bothered to call and I'm taking island vacations with George Clooney, good luck getting me back.

24. Under the right circumstances, like after you surprise us with a foot massage, we are willing to consider your newfound beer belly a sexy addition.

25. Breasts are not a speed bump to the promised land.

26. Yes, we want you to be more verbal. No, burping doesn't count.

27. Speaking of which, though it might make for a cool carnival sideshow, our entire face will not fit inside your mouth, and thus this makes for lousy kissing.

28. If we're crying and you're holding us and get a hard-on, we automatically deduct points.

29. And getting a boner while we're sleeping next to you is not an excuse to wake us up. This is not what they mean by serendipity.

30. Superskinny women really irritate us. We hate when they say, "Sometimes I just forget to eat." Now, I've forgotten my anniversary and where I parked my car. But I've never forgotten to eat.

31. We pay closer attention to your hands than you think. It's bad enough if you don't have manly hands, but if your nails are longer than ours, forget it.

32. You don't get a vote in the preferred shape of our pubic hair. Until you've had hot wax poured all over your crotch, you're merely a passenger on that flight.

33. Looks don't matter. That much.

34. Men are free to think they're the boss, as long as they know we're the chairman of the board.

35. We need you. Because a vibrating piece of plastic can't kiss.

36. Don't try to figure us out. We don't even understand ourselves. Just think of us as a complex carbohydrate that's good for you.

Appointments can be broken but they can be rescheduled. Glasses can be broken but they can be replaced. Hearts can be broken but they can be mended. Spirits can be broken but they can still be rebuilt. However, there's nothing more repugnant than a broken vow...

Don't get any stupid ideas... I just like this song. Lara's voice is so angelic, it's like a momma's lullaby.

*Additional text provided by Chaos. Which reminds me that if and when he breaks his vow, I am so going to break his balls! 

It's almost past 12 midnight when I decided to do my laundry. I can not possibly go to bed without washing those tainted knickers. They bother me a lot. I dragged the hamper to the laundry room and was getting ready to load everything when this Korean dude rudely came in. He asked what I was  going to do. I don't look like am  going to shower, yes? I answered meekly what I was planning to do but he angrily told me that I can't possibly do so because he's going to bed already.

What the heck? My landlord told me that I can wash my clothes anytime I want. He guaranteed that it won't bother the neighbors!

But that guy... does he sleep there?

I was meaning to wait for an answer but I opted to begrudgingly wash the stuff by hand. Ugh! Funny though that when that guy was talking to me, the Virginia Tech massacre expeditiously came to mind. Uh-uh.

Speaking of which, I gotta say that I can not personally believe a Korean can do such a thing. They are hot tempered. Yes. Most of them are, but shoot a lot of people? It's really inconceivable. Here in Korea, they are just too happy to yell and slap each other. Fire a gun? Hmmmm... I dunno. Maybe because gun is definitely banned here?

Anyway, just when I thought am going to have a peaceful life in the apartment because the Ajumma who calls everyone using the laundry room -- son of a dog -- has moved out...

Sigh.

Perhaps I should ask the landlord for an extra padlock.

My sister and her daughter, Mariella, left early this morning for Sweden. God knows when they will be back again. Mom told me that Mariella cried a lot and abrutply embraced her "kuya" Rue and told him that she will be missing him badly.  

They practically grew up together, under the guidance of their grandparents, for my sister and I both have to work hard to make our children's lives better. Rue and Mariella were never that close: my son always picks on her; she, on the other hand would call my son names. They fought like cats and dogs. The things they did to show affection to one another.

According to mother, Rue tried his best not to cry. He told Mariella to be a good girl and to always take care of herself. And suddenly, without a warning, I felt this need to just hug him...

The moment I met this kid a year ago, I was convinced right there and then that when the doctor spanked his fresh-from-momma's-womb butt, he yelled in the doctor's face something like "Can you do better than that?!!!"

I sub'ed for the MIA Math teacher earlier. And when this kid saw me in the classroom, he gave me this I-am-going-to-make-your-day-hellish look. I ignored that. Actually, I tried to ignore him. But came problem no. 3 which was really confusing. The book is in Korean. I have no assistant to do the dirty works. I can come up with a thousand and one excuses for not doing problem no. 3. 

I had to do something...

I told the students to read that particular problem carefully before they start computing for the solution. The youngster in focus suddenly yelled in Korean: "We can't understand the problem. Teacher you have to explain it!" And everyone chorused in unison. Hearing that was like deja vu.

How could I explain something that I don't understand? But hello, am not going to admit that!

I told the them again to read the problem slowly... carefully. Unsatiated, the 10 year-old disciple of Belezebub came up to  me and said in his best English: "Teacher you don't know problem. Okay? Okay? Okay!"

I tried to ignore his really annoying statement and told him to sit down. Before he sat though, he declared (in Korean) that he will tell the Wonjang (Korean for school headmaster) that the foreign teacher can't do Math and she should not be allowed to teach Math.

Fast forward.

Thank heavens for teacher's manual which my boss clandestinely hid in his drawers. A big pat on my back for being that good in finding things. I was able to prove that I can solve the problems and I do know the right answers. Hah!

The little boy? I willed him to jump out of the window.

 Jump you little prick! Jump! Please just jump!

Someday, I shall master my telekinetic powers...

In my native land, the working class is still savouring a week long vacation, which started last 4 April, the day being Holy Wednesday, and today is Bataan Day.

If I were back home, I would be spared from partying. I normally enjoyed this special day before without the usual badgering of friends to treat them out. No work, no party. That was my usual excuse. 

And today, as I turn a new leaf in my years, I contemplate on the blessings that God has showered upon me for the past years. I am eternally grateful to the Almighty One for life has indeed been great. With its ups and downs, I can't ask for more.

By the way, greetings are good, but I need cash! Hahaha!

Today, during my 6:30 class -- the so-called "Elite" group composed of 10 smart-asses.

Me: Write five sentences using any of the words from the list. Make a long sentence. For example, don't just write "I miss you" when using the word "miss". Is that understood?

Justin: Teacher, can I write "I will miss you?"

Me: No! I told you to write a long sentence!

Luke: How about, "Teacher jumps out of the window. We miss her."

Students: Ahahahahahhahahahahahaha!!! 

Arrgghhhhhhh!!!

Then later on.

Me: (While checking their homework.) Whose book is this? Page 4's not done and there's no name on the cover. How many times do I  have to tell you guys to write your name on the cover?! And who among you submitted an undone homework?! (I was really getting pissed.)

Diane: (Approached my table and examined the book.) Teacher, it's your book!

Me: (Surprised) Oh, yeah. You're right. It's my book.

Students: Ahahahahahhahahahahahaha!!! 

Me: What? What? What's so funny?

Arrgghhhhhhh!!!

Earlier today, right after a very disheartening offer for a morning part-time, I got this call.

Caller: Hi, I'd like to speak to Angela.

Me: Speaking.

Caller: Angela, I saw your picture and profile in **** website. I wonder if you'd like to work for us.

Me: I'd love to, but let me tell you upfront that I'm only available in the mornings, on particular days.

Caller: No problem. How would you like to work in the entertainment business?

Me: I'm not sure. What kind of job?

Caller: Modelling. If you're interested, do come by tomorrow morning. Bring a nice pair of bikinis and we'll see what you've got.

Me: I'm actually looking for a teaching job. I'm not really sure I'd want to do some modelling stuff...

*CLICK*

Me: Hello? Hello? Hello?

Gawddddddddddddddd!!!